Though a common question, it is a difficult one to answer in most cases. I have played an associate role at several different churches over the years, but each one brought its own unique challenges in discerning when it was time to leave. I was recently emailed this question. The common context of a question like this almost always involves disagreements with the pastor, with the general direction of the church, or even with what and how God’s Word is handled regularly. I hope my attempt to answer this dear brother’s question will serve you in some way if you find yourself struggling to know when to stay and when to go. My reply was this:
Dear ___________,
Thanks for writing and your thoughtfulness on this issue. Sorry for my delayed response.
Let me first encourage you and affirm something you have implied with your different teaching and pastoral roles at your church. Despite being in a difficult church, you can still be very fruitful in gospel ministry in that place. Teaching God’s Word in Bible study, discipling, sharing the gospel, and serving others in a difficult church was always fruitful ministry and excellent preparation to eventually leave and go pastor my own church.
There is no special formula to know when to stay and when to leave. I will say, I committed not to leave until the Lord opened a door to go to the next place. One exception (of many) to this rule would be a false gospel being preached at your church. Nevertheless, I would still encourage you with this general rule to stay put until led otherwise. I think it is better to stay a little to long than leave too soon.
Also remember, the grass is rarely greener on the other side. Wherever you go next, it will possibly have the same, if not more problems than you are experiencing now. Make sure you and your wife don’t have that expectation that ministry will ever be easy or even easier somewhere else (this is easy to do). One thing I can say for sure, you are exactly where God in His sovereign grace and providence wants you now to care for His people, be faithful to God’s Word, and display His gospel and His glory.
I didn’t know when exactly to leave my last position until a church called me to pastor. However, I did know that each of the pastors throughout the years I served with were not who I could serve with in a long-term sense. There were just too many important differences. I would begin to pray and ask the Lord to show you where you are to serve Him long-term if where you currently are, is not it. Then, stay faithful and patient until that time is made clear to you. May the Lord give you much grace and discernment as you seek his will for your ministry.
Remember, the Lord will use you and your faithfulness in the most difficult of circumstances. Stay faithful. Keep finding your joy and contentment in Christ alone. The Lord will make it clear to you when it is time to make a change. One more thought. Some of the best advice I have ever received is, “the best time to leave a church is when things are good and encouraging, not when times are difficult and discouraging.” A good general rule to consider.
Any additional thoughts from others?
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[...] tags: Brian Croft, pastoral ministry, Staff Member by Adam B. Embry This question was posed at Brian Croft’s blog. To summarize Brian’s conclusions: 1) Don’t leave unless you have another position [...]
Nice post, Brian. I offered my thoughts at my blog after I read yours.
Good thoughts Brian. The last comment is the kicker for me! I left a great Associate Pastor ministry to come to the church where I am currently the only Pastor. The last line was key for me in that transition.
“It is better to go to be called to another ministry than it is to run from the current one that you are in.” is how it was phrased to me.
I would encourage the person considering leaving to make sure that he is cultivating a relationship with the ‘lead’ Pastor and not running from this opportunity. I still have one of the best relationships that I have with the man that I used to be an Associate Pastor to! What a blessing he is to me. I call him from time to time on how to work through situations at the church.
Great post Brian! This can be an especially difficult issue for younger pastors, because of our propensity to pride. Along those lines, I think the only other thing I would add is the value of humility in the role of an associate pastor. It may be that you wouldn’t do things exactly the way you’re senior pastor is doing them, but as an associate that’s not really your role right now. I’ve served as an associate pastor at two other churches and have had wonderful experiences at both because I always made it my goal to lift up and serve the Senior Pastor in whatever way I could, whether or not I necessarily agreed with him (of course with the exception of any gospel differences). Now that I’m serving as a Senior Pastor, I can really see the value of having an Associate Pastor (like the one I currently have) who is humble and simply wants to serve.
Great thoughts! I am battling through this right now and your comments have been helpful. I am faithfully serving where I am right now until God opens a door.
Very good wisdom here, when I was facing these situations, great wisdom was given to me in the following pieces of advice;
“If you cannot wave the flag 100% go wave it some where else.”
translation: If your discontent is going to cause division for the rest of the flock or if your ambition needs to be rescued, it maybe better to leave so that you are not the instrument of divisiveness. There are lives at stake.
“Leave well.”
translation: There should be no unresolved conflicts, as a matter of fact folks should embrace this as new era in your ministry versus a cover up or running away, so that relationships are retained.
I’ve heard it said that the 4 goals of a pastor should be
Preach and Pray, Love and Stay
I’ve encouraged several pastors (myself included) during down times with this.
If anybody knows the source of this little rhyme, please tell.
Thank you for sharing, Brian – your response is godly and measured, and relevant to both pastors and congregation. You have touched on it, but I would like to emphasize that, no matter how relatively “unknown” a person is in the congregation, someone will be inevitably affected by their departure, especially if it’s due to disagreements or contentions. So a question to ask oneself is: What kind of witness am I (and my behaviour/words/attitudes) testifying to others when I decide to leave or stay?
You also said: “Wherever you go next, it will possibly have the same, if not more problems than you are experiencing now.” Agreed: I would even say that one would have to prayerfully examine him/herself to see if there is anything within him that is causing the negatives in the first place. Because if the issue is in me, it probably won’t magically disappear anytime, no matter how many churches I attend. However, I think these contentions are wonderful opportunities where I can submit to God’s guidance and let the Holy Spirit reveal the roots of these issues and heal me of past hurts — and that’s what happened to me.
I’m definitely speaking from a layperson/congregation’s perspective, and when the departure from church is on a negative note. But I experienced something like this earlier this year, and had to really examine myself, my leaders and the person who (unwittingly) wronged me, and ask the Holy Spirit for his guidance and healing. I am thankful that I grew through that situation and stayed put in this church — leaving would have done me more damage than good, to say nothing of the impact on other people! And I had a chance to counsel another person through their own contentions with their church leaders.
Thank you for your blog! New Year’s Greetings! from a lurking blog reader =)
[...] a staff member, how do you know when to leave a church … This question was posed at Brian Croft’s blog. To summarize Brian’s conclusions: 1) Don’t leave unless you have another position lined up; 2) [...]
[...] a staff member, how do you know when to leave a church? This question was posed at Brian Croft’s blog. To summarize Brian’s conclusions: 1) Don’t leave unless you have another position lined up; 2) [...]
Not enough space to possibly begin to write all I think about this one. Too much, sadly much painful, experience with long time members and even one Pastor leaving for what seemed like very “light” reasons.
We are elder-governed so we don’t deal with the Senior/Associate thing. But we are no less plagued by the cultures pull to the “greener pastures”.
I’m especially concerned about people saying they are being “called away” and “not sure to where” without being (as Brian pointed out so very well) called to something, called to another ministry. Often the analogy of Abraham is used as somewhat of a prooftext of being called away “unto a land that I will show you…”
Oh, also, check out 9marks on this topic: http://www.9marks.org/ejournal/pastoral-moves
Especially Dever’s “Why not stay for the glory of God?” here: http://www.9marks.org/ejournal/staying-glory-god-sibbes-simeon-and-stott-model?utm_campaign=eJournal2011-1&utm_medium=email&utm_source=entirelist&utm_content=br-dever-htm